Talking to someone is a great way to convince yourself that you actually understand how they’re feeling, and is extra helpful when you aren’t even sure how you’re feeling. In fact, it’s the only way to gather information on how your partner is feeling that’s accurate, unless you are a bona fide psychic. And so I started to talk. Let’s be honest: our first sexual experiences with women were awkward. Or scary – in the good way. Or clumsy. Or confusing. Or overwhelming. Right? It happens.

Talking made me feel more comfortable with what was going on, and allowed me to explore my sexuality more wholly. I started to ask, and suddenly it wasn’t that overwhelming. In fact, I really liked it. I really, really, really liked it. And I liked what consent added to the experience, too:

I started small, with basic consent questions.

“Is this okay?”

But sometimes life is a lot more complex than whether or not you’re having sex. Sometimes I had questions about feelings.

“Are you okay?”

Sometimes I had questions about the process.

“What do you want?”

Sometimes I was hoping to relieve my anxiety that I wasn’t doing too well.

“Did you like that?”

And I learned how to say yes, I did, or no, could you do this instead. But also: yes. I did.

“I really like this.”

Applying what I knew about consent helped me unpack my first sexual experiences. I felt present. Like I was finally living in my own body. I was finally enjoying sex, after a lifetime of waiting for that feeling. And I was finally learning to be comfortable with that.

Oct 16

“Sex isn’t something men do to you. It isn’t something men get out of you. Sex is something you dive into with gusto and like it every bit as much as he does.” Marie Hartman (aka Nina Hartley)

“

Back in my Press Gang days my defence was always this: sex will always be an exciting mystery to children, they’ll always want to to know about it. And they’ll learn about it, inevitably, from scary porn and all those barmy urban myths that circulate playgrounds. As a counter to that, shouldn’t responisble kids telly at least try to right the balance? Shouldn’t there be someone out there (apart from your boring parents and your boring teachers, who cares what they say) saying that sex is a natural, sometimes funny, sometimes wonderful thing, that decent, kind, nice people do with other decent, kind, nice people. Rather than a sleazy forbidden horror whispered about behind the bike shed.

You CAN’T stop kids finding out about sex. You CAN at least make sure some of what they hear is sane and reasonable.

And as for alternative sexuality in Dr Who - oh for goodness sake!

There are kids watching out there, who already know they’re gay. (I knew which sex I fancied from a very early age.) Doesn’t it do them good to have a hero like a Captain Jack, who laughs in the face of straight and gay alike?

Captain Jack: he’ll save your planet and shag anyone who lives there (but check your purse before he leaves.)

” Steven Moffat (via tinysprout)

hannahisdead:

I’m just curious. How many of you carry a condom(s) with you?

I keep a couple in my make up bag and I think there’s one in my wallet/purse but I’m not sure. You never know.

Do you carry any with you? and/or how do feel about people carrying them around?

I don’t because these days, I’m doing things that don’t often involve situations where I will have sex with someone without pre-planning, or being at home (where I have condoms), and on the off chance the opportunity presents itself, I can find other awesome ways to have sex that don’t require barriers (which for me means no fluid exchange, but whatever) until a condom can be acquired — and I talk about it with my other partners.

Oct 13

“Your body is a miracle. It’s the only body you’ll ever have. You only get one chance to live in it and revel in it and all the amazing things it can do and feel. Don’t waste it. No one, on their deathbed, wishes they’d only had fewer orgasms and hated their thighs more. You’re fabulous. Dive in.”

-Hanne Blank

via Fat People Have Sex! Here’s a Whole Book About It! | xoJane

(via sailorbaby)